Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
