i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
