He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She tied me up with her honor cords...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
