she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
