Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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