happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
