Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
where are you?
Hypothermia
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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