We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
