The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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