she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
