the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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