It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
