this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so much tequila, so little girl.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
