I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
