All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
