morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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