Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
