I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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