Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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