theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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