she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
