It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
