Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
