life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
