the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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