I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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