That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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