Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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