you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
