she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
