I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
