Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Two words: blizzard sex
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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