is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
