I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
