I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
