he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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