Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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