my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
