hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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