If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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