Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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