doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
