I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
