fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
