oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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