You work out of a Hotel?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
