I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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