Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
