When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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