cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
