Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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