As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
