How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
