im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
