What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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