Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
