The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
