my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
