nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
