I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize