Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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