just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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