If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
