Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How's work?
Spinning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
