My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
