Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
