my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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