i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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