Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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