she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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