I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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