The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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