Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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